Ask Me Stuff!

Dear Stuff,
I’m in love with someone of a different religion a very different religion! Should I convert if that’s the only way to be with that other person?
A Higher Love
Dear Love,
It depends on you, the other person, and the religion (great answer, huh?). Here’s the deal. Changing your religion is as serious an issue as deciding who to marry. You’ll need to learn all the restrictions of that religion. Will you still be able to live your life as you wished? Does the new religion appeal to you?
If you already have your own strong religious beliefs, changing religions in order to be with someone is a bad idea. It’s like buying new shoes that are two sizes too small, they’re nice to look at, but every time you wear them, you hate them. A religious change of any magnitude is not made in a vacuum, you will change as well. You really should seek counseling before doing it both from a leader in the religion you’re exploring, AND in your own original religion, if you are already religious.
Even if you’re secular, many conservative religions will require a significant change in your behavior. The obvious example is the many restrictions placed on women by Islam. (Just once, I’d like to find a religion that cloisters men!) Can you live with that, or do you like sunbathing too much? But many religions require some very serious changes in behavior in Buddhism, you are strongly encouraged to become a vegetarian, in conservative Catholicism you may not use birth control. It may seem trite to worry about these issues, but nothing about religion is trite. You must consider carefully before changing, for any reason.
The other question is why are you the one who is changing? There are two different people in a relationship. If he/she is unwilling to change his/her religion to be with you, I’m sorry, but you must question the level of commitment. You don’t want to be in a relationship where you are the one doing all the changing! That is worse than changing your religion.
Don’t accept the “well, I’m religious but you’re not” excuse, either. When you start exploring a change, you might be surprised at how deeply held your personal beliefs are, and how a religious change can challenge those beliefs.
If there really must be a religious change, it should not only be the result of much soul searrching by you and your partner, but it must be a mutual decision by both of you, after both of you explore changing your religion.
Never change your religion just to be with someone. Only change in response to long study and genuine belief. Otherwise, you will almost certainly become dissatisfied both with the religion and the love affair.
So after all that, my answer is: You can, but only if you fall in love with the religion too after taking six months or a year to study it, and only if your partner has doe the same exploration of your religion. Without both those elements, you’re probably headed for trouble.